Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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