shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
