I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
