i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize