hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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