When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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