im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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