My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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