I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
