I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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