Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are two peas in an std pod
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
