I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize