Having a random hookup so left but love u
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
