You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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