i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize