five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
