i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
