Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
