Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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