sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
