I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
