The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
