oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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