pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
