I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
