The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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