I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
