you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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