this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
