I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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