im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
