Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
