I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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