every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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