Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize