i will never coherently bang her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
