5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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