The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
