Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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