at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am mentally ready for anal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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