now i know why i became what i already was.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I love you. Go after that dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
