I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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