There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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