Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
