Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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