Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
