i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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