i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
