Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
