well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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