I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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