The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
