it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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