I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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