I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
