How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
