Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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