allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Vodka?
Forever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
