The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.