i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes