Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
do herpes really smell.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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